


To Be There

by VixxFixxion



Category: Byeolbit, STARLIGHT - Fandom, VIXX
Genre: Anal, Cock Massage, Consent, Fingering, Friends to Lovers, M/M, NSFW, PWP, Rimming, Smut, Twitch - Freeform, bareback, blowjob, hongbin gamer, hongbin streamer, kongbini, waterhyacinth_
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-15
Updated: 2020-06-15
Packaged: 2021-03-03 21:02:25
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 17,403
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24741994
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/VixxFixxion/pseuds/VixxFixxion
Summary: Hongbin realises he has made a mistake. He is prepared for the worst, but not prepared to deal with Taekwoon, who decides he needs to be there for him.
Relationships: Leo/Hongbin, Leobin, hongbin/leo, hongbin/taekwoon, hongtaek, lee hongbin / jung taekwoon, vixxleo/vixxhongbin
Comments: 8
Kudos: 44





	To Be There

**Author's Note:**

> I just had a need to write out a fiction where Hongbin had a friend in the aftermath of That Day
> 
> And also love the idea that after all the Durm Und Strang, the Rabid Sex might help, even if for a little while
> 
> Halfway through I asked myself, "I don't know, is this believable?" -after which i thought LOOK AT WHAT I AM WRITING, at a certain point, EVERYTHING IS BELIEVABLE FFS. It took ages to write, and I am not sure whether I have quite hit the spot, so to speak.
> 
> So I guess what matters to me know is if this ends up being satisfying to you, dear reader. let me know!
> 
> Am on twt @VFixxion, rarely on but will reply eventually if anyone interacts.
> 
> Take care and be safe, everyone.

Hongbin stared at the screen, his hand on the mouse, his index finger scrolling uselessly on the scrolling wheel.

Outside, the staff member was sitting in the living room, waiting for him to come out.

He felt numb, a deadweight of emptiness hanging above him, pressing down on him. He felt full to the brim, of emotion, like a body of water threatening to spill. He felt like he was trying to take a breath, but his reflexes were not kicking in, and that he was slowly, consciously, letting himself run out of breath.

He felt like he was going to cry, but it wasn’t coming - like a sneeze that hovered right there inside, but wouldn’t expel itself. He wanted to, wanted to let it all out, because he knew what it would feel like to have it just sit there, deep and unmoving, unexpressed.

He hadn’t noticed the moment it had started to go wrong - perhaps because he was so happy, that it had slipped by. It had been his first conscious yelp into the abyss, a night for celebration, and he had fucked up so bad.

He knew he hadn’t, not really. But he had set himself back. He had done it.

It wasn’t about what he said - those confusions could be cleared up.

It was about letting go. In a place he had mistaken for a sanctuary - no, a release - he had walked into a trap he had set up for himself.

With a sudden clarity, he realised that there would never again be that sanctuary for him, never could be - because he couldn’t ever have had it in the first place.

He couldn’t have both that - that freedom - and that which he wanted most: to preserve the status quo. To be in the group. To be one with the six.

And now, now that he realised it, he could see that having that sanctuary meant nothing to him in truth. It was a worthless dream that he had spent so long building. Now that he had risked the status quo. Now that being one with the six was called into question.

Tiredly, he thought of how long this was going to take to get over.

First of all, he needed to deal with the staff member outside, who had been monitoring what he realised halfway through was going to be his last twitch stream. The staff would then be reporting back to someone else. In the morning - heck it was day now - later, he would meet someone, and he knew whoever it was, he would feel a burning shame until he faced them. While he faced them. And then for a long time after.

It wasn’t what he had said - he stood by his opinion that he hadn’t harmed anyone - it was that he had really, lost a form of control. At worst, he had crossed an unspoken boundary that went beyond idol decorum. It was a social misstep. Being an idol made it worse, because he could not hide. Because people felt he owed something to the public.

He knew the company would probably be kind, and he also knew that they would also believe he hadn’t done anything truly wrong. He thought back to what he had let himself say over the last couple of hours, and knew that because by nature he held no malicious intent in anything that he ever said or did, that he could really stand by anything he had done, knowing he had not truly insulted or demeaned anyone.

Well, at least, not anyone of his stature.

He hung his head. He had insulted staff, crew. He had critiqued decisions made by faceless people. That in itself was already questionable, he knew. Not just because the public thought so, but because these were people who had helped his idol friends get somewhere.

Well.

He had stepped out from his place, and now he had to make a show of being put back into it.

He stood suddenly and went to the door, looking out at the staff member, Jiwook.

He was one of their managers, a friend of sorts, who looked up at him with a tired, sad smile.

“You understand things will be quiet for you for a while, Binnie?” he asked, his phone still poised in his hand for messaging.

Hongbin nodded.

“Would you like something to drink? Have you eaten?” Hongbin asked. Jiwook smiled, standing up and stretching.

“You’ve always had such a way about you, Binnie. You have never seemed fazed by anything, really,” he said as he gathered up his backpack, finally giving up on his text conversation and slipping his phone into his coat pocket.

“I’m a bit of a slow reactor,” Hongbin said, wondering about that part of himself. Perhaps, rather than slow, he felt he was separate. His feelings, his emotions and reactions, were just separate from situations and circumstances. He used to think he was neutral. Now he thought he must be disconnected.

“I didn’t think you would be the one,” Jiwook said, looking him in the eye and giving a wry smile.

Hongbin nodded. It seemed to hang in everyone’s conscience about their wonderful, balanced status quo - and how somewhere along the line, someone might upset the balance. It had come close, with incidences involving Taekwoon, or Jaehwan - but they had managed to drive through them. In Taekwoon’s case, he bit the bullet, left the game for a while.

Hongbin had never really enjoyed relating to fans through social media. It seemed one sided from any side, a no-win game.

Until he found he could create his own boundaries, his own rules. He liked his new platform. He was performing. It was a stage. And he could let some part of him be free to express itself. The humorous, wry, sharp part of him that needed to be free.

It had been so good.

His manager looked on him kindly as he shrugged.

Hongbin didn’t ever think he would be the one either. Despite the fact that he viewed his personal energy rather like static electricity - given to sparks and vaguely anxiety-inducing - he didn’t feel that he had any malice in him, nor power to hurt.

Ultimately, he was driven to find balance, and would confront conservatism, beliefs and presumption with sarcasm, wit and the puffing anger of a sputtering flint. He wouldn’t do much damage, but he always did or said something. His was a bright, caustic sort of spark that didn’t really ignite into fire.

“I was just… relaxing, Hyung,” Hongbin said. It was the truth, and he could see the manager understood. He saw himself out, patting Hongbin on the back as he went past.

Hongbin listened for the door to close.

He pulled his phone out to check his social media. The fans were going crazy. He caught a tweet that Taekwoon had posted - an apology - and for the first time since he had logged off, felt his cheeks burning.

Not Taekwoon. No.

He knew, he knew that this was a quick reaction in an attempt to rescue the situation somewhat. He knew that Taekwoon understood.

But it just felt so bad, so bad to know that it had been Taekwoon who had felt the need to step in to calm things down. He didn’t want to have necessitated that kind of obligation in Taekwoon, of all people.

He wondered at what point Taekwoon might have figured things were going sour, and decided to say something. Had he been watching the stream? Had he been alerted by staff to say something?

Hongbin had felt so good while he was online. He dreaded having to go back to watch the footage of what he had said. Looking back with sobriety was not going to be good.

Had Taekwoon seen him slowly losing control of the situation, knowing that Hongbin was unaware that his work and his freedom was running out away from him through his very fingers?

He hated that Taekwoon might have witnessed that.

With sudden mortification, he realised that Hakyeon would find out from someone else too, or may already know. May have seen.

How would Hakyeon feel to hear that he had behaved this way? Would he find himself being forced to defend his behaviour to his friends or peers? Would he agree that his group member was rude and loutish and knew no respect? Would he cringe when he saw the footage?

Hongbin squeezed his eyes shut and let his head fall back in anguish.

He drew a deep breath and cried out, his voice breaking with a sudden emotion, and felt tears come to his eyes, finally.

Before he could draw a breath again, he felt the phone vibrate in his hand.

With a sob, he looked down at it to see that it was Wonsik.

Wonsik. His friend.

He swiped open the call, and heard that familiar, husky monotone voice.

“Dude. You okay?” Wonsik said.

“Ravi-ya,” Hongbin whispered, as his breath caught and he felt the tears starting to fall. He wiped at them, sniffing.

“Yeah,” Wonsik said, his tone implying that there was nothing else to say. Wonsik was quiet, listening to Hongbin’s breaths as he tried to control his emotions.

Hongbin let his knees bend and he relaxed to the ground, rolling onto his back and letting himself weep as he groaned and laughed aloud to mask it.

He could hear soft soothing noises over the phone, and he realised that Wonsik was saying little placatory things that had no logical meaning. As he slowed his breaths to hear, he realised that Wonsik was just cooing like a little old lady over a crying child.

Hongbin smiled, his eyes so tired they shut. He felt comforted, ridiculously.

“I don’t know what happened,” he ventured.

Wonsik stopped, listening.

“I felt like I was sitting outside by a fire or something, chatting with my friends,” Hongbin continued.

When he didn’t say anything more, Wonsik spoke.

“Ah. It feels like that doesn’t it?”

Hongbin knew what he was thinking, what he was implying. That there are no friends in the audience. Just fans, loving though they may be.

“Friends are at home living their life while we shower our affections over strangers in the crowd,” Wonsik intoned.

“Do you really believe that?” Hongbin whispered, suddenly feeling lost and small. Wonsik was one of the true romantics in their group, at least artistically. Or at least, he knew what made a romantic, knew how to be one.

Did Wonsik really imply that there was no trusting the audience?

“Put it this way, I also believe we don’t really truly know who our friends are.”

Hongbin laughed.

“You telling me you watch your back when it comes to friends?”

“Of course! They always disappoint, don’t they?” Wonsik said, his tone sobering. Hongbin quieted.

What he heard was, he was friends. He always disappointed.

“I mean. We are all like that, it’s our nature. We are all those friends, we will never truly be what our friends want us to be, we will never truly do the right things by each other, because we just look after our own, that is the way it is, and it is heartbreaking but also I wouldn’t change that, because it is freeing.”

Hongbin let his face crumple into a forlorn expression. Wonsik had a way with words, but this seemed so cold, even for him.

“It’s going to take a while, but this will be over.”

Hongbin nodded silently to the phone.

“If you’re gonna play, you have to play incognito. You can’t tease that it’s you when you are playing, right? But don’t stop playing, okay?”

Hongbin nodded. “I won’t stop.”

“Okay. I gotta go. Leo-Hyung is on the way, he should be there any minute.”

Hongbin blinked.

“What? Why didn’t you tell me?”

“Didn’t want you to leave or get security to stop him from coming in, or something, I don’t know.”

“Oh god, now I feel even shittier. Taekwoonnie-Hyung? Ahh. Shit. I guess it’s better than Ken Hyung coming over. And why aren’t you here?”

“I’m a busy man. And I don’t want to see you cry.”

Hongbin nodded, understanding the sentiment completely.

“So now Taekwoonnie will get to see me cry.”

“A gift for everyone involved.”

Hongbin heard the doorbell go, then a quiet scrabbling of fingers against the door handle. Of course, impatient, urgent Taekwoon, letting his personality permeate even through the closed door.

“He’s here. Thanks for calling.”

“Night.” They rung off perfunctorily, as they always did. There was no lost time between them, no time spent on courtesies - and he loved that about Wonsik.

He sighed, going to the door and deciding as he reached it, that he should be a little glad Taekwoon was here. He generated a gentle energy, and knew how to be the touchstone that Hongbin could ground himself with, to shake off some of his excess static. Taekwoon always let him be, let him do that.

Taekwoon stood outside the door, dressed in ripped jeans, a thin sweater and a heavy trenchcoat hanging off his frame, just so. One hand was raised where he was knocking at the door, and the other cocked elegantly on his hip.

Hongbin’s first thought was that he looked cool even though his persistent knocking was annoying. His second thought was that he wished it hadn’t been Taekwoon who had tweeted to their fans not to be hurt by Hongbin’s behaviour. He wished that someone else had done that, and had turned up at his house like this. Someone he could hate. Someone whose opinion of him didn’t matter as much.

Taekwoon was the last person he wanted to see him like this, in his hour of shame.

“What is this, a fucking photoshoot?” he snarled, throwing up his hands as he gestured to Taekwoon’s outfit, before turning to go inside.

He heard Taekwoon grab the door to keep it from shutting and following him in.

“I have a good friend in Infinite, you know!” he heard Taekwoon’s exaggeratedly whiny, soft voice behind him.

“So do I. And he agrees with what I said!” Hongbin threw over his shoulder, wondering when the heat in his cheeks would ever subside. He could feel his skin getting hot over the back of his neck too, and creeping down his spine.

 _Is that what shame feels like_ , he thought. Hot. Unseen, but ever pervasive?

“Well, so does my friend. But we don’t bitch about it online!”

“I wasn’t bitching about it!” Hongbin whirled to look at Taekwoon, but the satisfaction he thought he would get from acting provoked was deflating. He sounded whiny and dumb, he thought. He had no reasons. No excuses.

He rolled his eyes as Taekwoon drew a breath.

“You were! You were a fucking bitchy bitching bitch about it, and now I have to answer questions from his mother asking why my member is attacking her boy like that!”

“I wasn’t attacking him or any of them-“

“Well everyone knows that - but it doesn’t matter, does it?”

Hongbin finally looked Taekwoon square in the eye, hoping that bravado would make his gaze steady.

He was surprised to see a softness in Taekwoon’s eyes, maybe even a glimmer of amusement.

Taekwoon took advantage of his silence to gnaw on the inside of his mouth as he thought of what he had to say.

Finally, he took a short deep breath, and shrugged.

“Anyway, it’s done now, plus you have apologised. It’s out of your hands. You can only wait it out.”

“You think I don’t know that?” Hongbin heard himself and was aghast at how surly he sounded. He didn’t mean to be rude. He really never, ever meant to be rude.

Taekwoon stared at him, silent. Hongbin realised he had both his hands on his hips now, and he still looked stylish and loose, just like in a photoshoot.

_How out of it am I that this is these are the thoughts I am having right now?_

Taekwoon finally looked around, shrugging off the coat. As he did so, heat and scent wafted over to Hongbin, making him realise just how close they were standing.

He smelled Taekwoon’s cologne, and something like water that had been too long in the fridge.

“You been at the convenience store? You smell like you dug to the bottom of the freezer for ice cream or something.”

Taekwoon laughed, a hearty guffaw that made his chest rise as he threw his head back for a moment.

He nodded, smiling, as he stepped away, fussing with his trench coat to neaten it so that he could throw it over the back of a chair.

“No, I have been out in the cold. You are smelling the weather and you know, something they call atmosphere,” he waved his hand around in an airy manner, as if Hongbin was too much of a plebeian to know what atmosphere was.

Taekwoon followed his own gesture and looked around the living room.

“So you’re alone here now?”

“Yes. Hakjoon moved out a few weeks ago”

“Do you wish he had been here to stop you tonight?” Taekwoon looked sharply at Hongbin, the smile still lingering on his lips, but the question was serious in his eyes.

Hongbin wanted to say yes, to let Taekwoon know that he did regret how the evening had turned out - but he did not think he had to explain himself. In fact, he felt a little offended that Taekwoon was coming across so retro-judgmental. He did not think he had done anything actually wrong. It was just… a matter of perception.

Taekwoon waited, watching as Hongbin seemed to want to speak, but stopping himself. Then he stepped closer, so that the kitchen counter was between them.

“Binnie, just forget I asked you that. It was kind of patronising.”

Hongbin was taken aback, and found himself a little out of breath. Like he had been pushing against some wall that suddenly fell away.

Moments like these, Taekwoon had always been able to confound Hongbin. Little moments of kindness, or understanding, that went against Taekwoon’s usual righteous older-brotherliness.

Taekwoon’s energy seemed to be like the languid ebb and flow of a tide, emotional, clingy - but also replenishing, comforting, soothing. Except the tide seemed to go in and out several times a day, and was always crabby, sentimental, full of feeling, generous as it flowed. Hongbin thought that it could feel good, but it could also feel overwhelming, for someone like him. He often felt that he should be left alone in times like these, especially by Taekwoon - that Taekwoon’s energy could subsume him if he wasn’t careful.

He didn’t know why, but he felt entranced by it and afraid of it. He didn’t like the feeling that he could be engulfed, lost to it.

It just seemed so gentle. Embracing.

Perhaps it wasn’t the energy of it that he was afraid of, but by how close he was to letting it in.

Hongbin found himself leaning against the kitchen counter, forgetting that his skin had been burning as if he was flushed with embarrassment all across his face, neck and back.

“Hyung, you know I don’t hate anyone. I don’t put anyone down. I love all the music I talked about. I love so many of our friends that I talked about.”

Taekwoon sighed, leaning his hip against the edge too, crossing his arms as he looked Hongbin straight on, so that they faced each other over the corner of the counter.

“I know that, and so do they. Everyone knows that. But we live in this society… We are playing a certain game. The rules are, Hongbin must be punished.”

Hongbin nodded, dropping his gaze. He knew that. He knew that the people whom he had wronged really were the ones who would understand most. But in order for him to exonerate himself, in order to become acceptable once more, he had to endure this fire.

“I feel angry, because I will never truly have my say. But I didn’t feel any shame til I saw your tweet,” Hongbin said, emotion suddenly causing his voice to waver.

He heard Taekwoon hum, saw him shake his head out of the corner of his eye.

“I took the risk that I would make you feel that. But I hope you understand that what I meant was for our fans to feel certain that everything would be okay. That you would be okay,” Taekwoon said, softly.

Hongbin wanted to look up, but was afraid of what would spill out of him if he did.

“I know what you did for me,” he whispered.

“And Shikkie too,” Taekwoon added.

“It wasn’t quite the same thing, no. Thank you, Hyung,” Hongbin managed to say, before he turned to go to the sink. He thought he could clean up, get distracted, but the manager had already done that for him while he was waiting, and he found himself getting emotional over a clean and empty sink.

“Oh god, I feel like I’m in a melodrama,” he sniffed, unsure that his humour could staunch the emotion that was threatening to break.

He heard Taekwoon move, going towards the living room and calling out as he left, “By the way, I ordered food and I am going to be here for a while.”

“You don’t have to do that-“

“I know, and when I did have the initial urge to come over I thought, Hongbin is a big boy, he’s probably okay, and then I knew Jiwook was here so I thought, yeah, things will be alright. And then I thought what would Hakyeon do? And then after that I thought, what if Hakyeon asked me what I did? And in the end, that is what made me decide to come over.”

Hongbin listened to Taekwoon’s amiable rambling, and he could tell Taekwoon was just trying to give him time. Speaking slower than was his wont, making a great show of how much thought he had put into coming over - or not - and then slyly having a dig at Hakyeon. It was pure Taekwoon energy, or at least the Taekwoon energy that Hongbin truly enjoyed - sly but goodnatured.

“Ah, Hyung, you’re gonna make me cry,” Hongbin tried to joke, then realised that he really had started crying. As if the tears created the emotion, he felt his face crumple with regret, all the while watching himself from within as if he were a freak of nature that he could never understand.

He heard Taekwoon turn on the tv, and turn up the volume.

He had a sudden thought that he was like an alien, observing his own emotional tears and wondering how his eyes had started leaking. He laughed, which seemed to bring an edge of hysteria to his weeping.

“Oh god,” he whispered to himself, smiling through his tears as if smiling would stop them, staring down at his palms as the tears wet them. In the empty sink. “Oh god!”

He brought his hands to his face, covering his eyes and letting himself cry.

When he finally felt he could stop, he opened the faucet and surreptitiously washed his face in the sink, letting the cold water burn against his hot skin, and feeling like he was taking an age to get himself together.

He heard the doorbell go, and let Taekwoon deal with the arrival of the food. He quickly left the kitchen, avoiding looking through the hallway where Taekwoon was receiving the food, and going to his bedroom, shutting the door quietly.

He felt a sudden relief, at last away from Taekwoon, who now, seemed to have inspired a pressure within that had caused this upset.

Hongbin went straight to his bed, crawling into it and laying back, crossing his elbow over his eyes to shut out the world, shut out the light.

He was in the middle of the thought that it felt nice to have Taekwoon outside - even though he was reluctant to show how affected he was about the whole thing - when he slept, exhausted.

**

Taekwoon had laid out the food, taking his time, and gone to call Hongbin to eat. He found Hongbin sprawled over his bed, his normally taut, energised body completely lost to sleep, deadweight in the pillowy mess.

He called out to him, going over to try shaking him awake. Hongbin was usually a light sleeper, but Taekwoon knew he had been awake all night and would probably sleep like the dead til the afternoon.

As he looked down at Hongbin’s still, sleeping body, he thought that he didn’t want Hongbin to wake to an empty house, later in the day, feeling wasted and lonely.

So he went outside, leaving the bedroom door open - and not being too quiet, so that Hongbin could be conscious of company in the house if he happened to wake - and made himself comfortable as he called in his absences for the rest of the day. He helped himself to his meal and enjoyed the morning news and shows on the tv, finally cleaning up after himself and packing away the rest of the food for Hongbin for later.

He thought about how Hongbin had greeted him at the door, the angry irritation, and how he had been humorous and sharp, acting like he hadn’t just pulled his own world down on top of him.

Until he said that Taekwoon’s tweet had made him feel shame.

Taekwoon had tried to move smoothly past that - only because he could see that Hongbin did not want to go there really, not in front of him, not standing half in the open kitchen when Taekwoon hadn’t even sat down.

He had tried to give Hongbin some space, moving away and going on and on about nothing.

And then Hongbin had cried, alone in the kitchen, and Taekwoon had bowed his head as he pretended to be busy watching television.

It wouldn’t do for him to ask if he was okay. Like a hermit crab, Hongbin would pull in all his claws and disappear into his shell till any hint of a vulnerable space had disappeared. Taekwoon understood that he had to keep his expectations, or at least, any hint that he was here with the express purpose of giving Hongbin space to let it all out, at bay.

Hongbin needed to reach, not him.

Taekwoon suspected that he might end up just visiting and not really getting to the point of his visit. He wanted to tell Hongbin that everything would be alright, not just show up to hang out. He knew that Hongbin might already have told himself that - an intellectual, or a mental reckoning that was borne of logic and certainty in his members’ loyalties.

But emotionally, deep down, this shit had to hurt. Wrongs could be righted, but the fact remained that Hongbin did this to himself.

Taekwoon felt a sadness that he didn’t want to dwell on too much - because he knew it was the same sadness that must have occurred to Hongbin, and he couldn’t stand to think that Hongbin could have felt it too, many times stronger. The sadness that he hadn’t even really lost control of his faculties. Hongbin wasn’t completely lost to inebriation during his supposed diatribe. He had just been happy.

He had indulged in an over-estimated trust in his audience. A trust which he had never really allowed himself to foster before this. And in that same indulgence, had broken the trust that many of his fans had had in him too.

Taekwoon knew that it was this sort of personal looseness that would needle at Hongbin for a long time. The kind of social penance that was required of him in his public space now, would not really resolve that for him personally - and Taekwoon wanted that Hongbin would not use it as a justification for closing up, for never looking for that space of trust again.

Taekwoon turned off the tv, staring despondently out the window.

He felt hopeful that Hongbin was resilient, having been through some rough patches, as they all had. He hoped that his own presence here would vouch for his faith and alliance, and that Hongbin would get over whatever shame he had felt.

_But I didn’t feel any shame til I saw your tweet._

How Taekwoon’s heart had sunk when he heard that. He had hoped that Hongbin would just be irritated or angered by his presumption to step in like he had - because he could handle that just fine. But to hear that he had inspired Hongbin’s humiliation… well, perhaps it had been best that he had done that and not Hakyeon, for whom Hongbin had a special place in his esteem. One or the other older members had to step in, and since Hakyeon couldn’t, it fell to him. Jaehwan wasn’t aware of what was going on, but even if he had been, it would have been remiss for him to do something, and not Taekwoon.

He felt for Hongbin, and didn’t know how he could take back that hurt, make it like he had never tweeted.

Taekwoon tried to lie down, but the two-seater couch was not even long enough for his back to lay straight across it, so he crossed his legs under himself instead.

He had always liked Hongbin’s energy, because it rarely engaged head on with his. Hongbin was always a sort of bystander when it came to interaction. He didn’t seem it, but he was the most easy-going of all the members when it came to Taekwoon’s own interactions with them all.

Because despite his barbs and side talking, Hongbin never really disagreed or took Taekwoon to task about anything. He was really, quite amiable and accommodating, which was something Taekwoon found relieving, especially when he was used to having long, convoluted discussions with the likes of Wonsik, Hakyeon and Sanghyuk over how they were going to navigate a situation without too much compromise on any side.

Even Jaehwan, who liked to go with the flow, could sometimes just sit on the sidelines and refuse to budge if he was unhappy about something.

Hongbin seemed to have some philosophy about life that allowed him to do things he might not even agree with, but for the sake of the others, he would do happily. It was a sort of laissez-faire borne from intellect, not from a lack of will.

It soothed Taekwoon, and he found that he enjoyed Hongbin’s humour much more because of it.

_Didn’t feel any shame until…_

Taekwoon shut his eyes, mad that he had made it so for Hongbin.

He wished he could make it up to him, and hoped that being here was not a horrible reminder to Hongbin of that moment of shame, but rather that he had a friend.

Taekwoon could feel a restlessness coming on, and he could feel it was from a lack of sleep. Any other time, and he would have gone for a run or gone out, but now, he was here with nowhere to go.

So he took a walk around the living room, noting that it was fairly clean and stark, and delighting in the semi-view of the park that Hongbin’s balcony had from high up in his apartment building. Although the living room was fairly small, Taekwoon knew the bedrooms were large, and it was designed to accommodate people who spent their time separately within the household - like housemates would.

He thought that he might help tidy up or something, but found there was nothing to do. Even the kitchen - which was well enough stocked for a bachelor’s pad - was clean and tidy. The only thing left unsettled was the little arrangement of delivered food on the counter that was waiting to be consumed.

It was barely eleven in the morning when Taekwoon realised after lounging for almost an hour, that he really was ready for a nap. After all, he had been up since before sunrise, having caught the tail end of Hongbin’s stream after waking up to notifications going off on his phone.

He had squinted at his phone in the dark, having put it on silent the night before, but still been woken up by the constant phone vibrations.

When he had figured out that the chatter on his feed was about how crazy fun Hongbin was being on his platform, he had switched to it as soon as he could.

He saw Hongbin, celebratory, flushed with happiness and letting himself spill over with his sharing.

He had watched as he said some things which they all said to each other - which anyone said to their friends - but not as idols, and not on their public platforms.

He saw, parallel to what was going on on Hongbin’s feed, other people commenting, some exalting the freshness of his comments, others getting more cautious, with a creeping dread infusing their tone.

Their own group chat with the staff and members lit up - but it was only Wonsik and he from the group who were present in the chat. Hongbin of course, was not paying attention at the time.

Then he saw Hongbin mute his audio, and go out to greet their manager who had volunteered to run over to his place.

The empty chair, the silence, the comment feed going haywire.

Taekwoon tweeted, after wording and re-wording his tweet until he realised he simply wanted their fans not to worry, that he was sorry.

When he looked back, Hongbin’s feed was still live but the screen was black.

He sat up in bed, waiting for him to come back on. While Hongbin was making his apology, Taekwoon was already texting in the group that he would go and spend the morning with Hongbin, and asking the manager to stay there as long as he could til he arrived.

It was like a relay, with Wonsik calling in the meantime til Taekwoon could get there.

But now, with Hongbin sleeping soundly, and he hoped, finding respite from the nightmare he was in, Taekwoon felt the early morning excitement taking its toll on him, so much so that his eyes grew heavy and his breath grew deep.

And as he tried to lay down on the tiny sofa, he realised that the only place he could stretch out would be on the bed with Hongbin. The other rooms were now empty.

Well, the other alternative was the floor - but the last time he had slept on the floor was when he, Hongbin, Ken and Hyuk would lay side by side all along the width of one room in their old dorm.

He knew Hongbin wouldn’t mind, and, truth be told, loved sleeping with others. It was like how puppies or kittens soothed each other with their breathing and their warm bodies. Like Wonsik and Jaehwan, Taekwoon enjoyed physical contact, was soothed by it. The others, not really so much.

He imagined, selfishly, how lovely a nap would be right now, cuddled up to someone.

Hongbin could do with a hug, he told himself, even though he well knew that Hongbin was the least huggy person of all of them.

He didn’t care. His nap was upon him, he would not deny it. If Hongbin needed to, he could rationalise it as the price he had to pay for having good and caring friends like himself.

He shuffled in to the bedroom, pausing to slip off his socks and loosen the button on his jeans. Hongbin had shifted, was closer to the edge of the bed than before, so Taekwoon slipped one hand under his closest shoulder and the other under his closest butt cheek and bodily turned him onto his side, thus making space for him to slip into the bed with him.

Because the sheets were in a mess from the night before, Taekwoon pulled them taut as much as he could from under Hongbin’s deadweight and used what he could to cover Hongbin’s back and side, before sliding in to spoon him from behind. He threw an arm over Hongbin’s and let the expected feeling of comfort and security fall over him like a blanket - and then he was asleep.

**

Although he didn’t know it, Hongbin was trying to wake up. He couldn’t breathe, he was burning up, and he felt like he was caught in a chokehold. Desperately, he felt his arms and legs kick, but he was restrained, swaddled by great swathes of cloth that was threatening to bear him down into an unknown abyss.

With a gasp that hurt him down to his chest, he opened his eyes, his arm thrashing out against the pressure behind him.

He was disoriented to see the clear cool light in his room, and looked down at himself to find that he had somehow caught himself in his own sheets.

The sudden realisation that he was alright, that it was all a dream, relaxed him, and he felt a flood of warmth cascade down through his bones - the warmth of reassurance that he was alright.

Deep in the back of his mind he remembered that something had happened, that he was supposed to be feeling heavy, supposed to be hurting, but the promise of sleep and rest pulled at him, and he turned onto his stomach, pushing a little on the sheets with his feet, and loosening himself from the feeling of being held down.

Changing position made him feel better, letting him stretch where he was cramped, and reorient his body into a more comfortable, comforting position, a little on his tummy, with a pillow hugged tight to his chest as he lay his head to one side over a shoulder.

He dreamed that he had opened the door, and where he had dreaded to see someone’s unhappiness with him, he had instead found Taekwoon in a trenchcoat, peering at him with his hand on his hip.

**

Taekwoon opened his eyes, finding that Hongbin had shifted away from him while he slept, and was now on his back, arms and legs sprawled wide.

As he lay still on his side, sleep keeping him heavy and rested, he watched as Hongbin’s chest rose and fell to his deep, content breathing. He admired Hongbin’s fine profile, which he felt had a heroic line to it, what with his square jaw and fine-tipped, strong nose. His mouth, though straight and well-shaped, always seemed to Taekwoon to be slightly beestung just on the top lip - something he noticed more when Hongbin was speaking seriously.

As he stared empty-headedly at Hongbin’s face, his mind still foggy from sleep, he saw Hongbin take a deep, sudden breath, and then was taken aback to hear him moan.

Taekwoon smirked. He had spent enough time with boys in a dorm to be used to the normal, healthy engagements of the male body with its dream brain. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw movement in the sheets, and realised that Hongbin had an erection, and it was growing.

Taekwoon felt himself awake in no time, and was about to get out of bed when Hongbin suddenly stretched, a deep and glorious stretch with his arms up above his head, and his body turning in a twist, his furthest leg coming round over himself so that he could turn towards Taekwoon and onto his tummy.

But Taekwoon was in the way, so Hongbin ended up stretching himself over, halfway onto Taekwoon’s body.

Taekwoon was trying to slip away, right off the bed, but Hongbin’s arms went round his neck, and he moaned a breathy, “Hyung,” before taking his lips in his, and opening his mouth to kiss him, deep, wet and hot.

His leg landed over Taekwoon’s hip, and he used it to hitch himself closer, grinding his erection against Taekwoon’s body, before slowly rolling his hips in sync with his tongue.

Taekwoon’s mouth opened as he gasped, and because he had his arms tucked together under his head, he was locked in Hongbin’s embrace awkwardly, unable to resist without either pushing him away or rolling and falling out of the bed.

But the sheer physical indulgence of Hongbin’s stretch, breathiness and lewd kissing and grinding stopped him hard - Taekwoon let that tongue probe his mouth, he let that cock press tight against his flesh, and then his eyes fluttered shut and he kissed back, feeling his mouth go wet with desire, his cock grow hard.

Fuck.

In the back of his mind he realised that Hongbin might not be conscious of what he was doing, and might not actually like that this was happening.

But it felt good. It felt heated, and human and comforting. It felt soft and warm, and it also shot his cock so hard it hurt when Hongbin’s hips moved away. Taekwoon felt his mouth soften, felt Hongbin’s lips, full and warm and searching, mouthing at him like he was the greatest of sustenance, as if he had a hunger that only Taekwoon’s mouth could feed.

Taekwoon knew he should extricate himself from this situation - he knew that probably, Hongbin would be mortified.

But… _Fuck_.

Before he could formulate another thought, Hongbin withdrew, his head falling to the pillows as he tucked his nose into Taekwoon’s neck and breathed in his scent deeply. Then, he brought his hands away, down between them so that he could cup his own balls and softly stroke his cock, his head falling back a little, giving Taekwoon a better distance to have a good look at him.

He watched as Hongbin’s relaxed and contented face seemed to settle back into sleep.

He realised now was his chance to leave the bed, but as he made to move, Hongbin’s eyes shot open, and in an instant, Taekwoon saw the comprehension, the dread, in his eyes, and he felt a moment of desperation when he wanted to reach to Hongbin, to tell, him it was okay.

“Oh god. FUCK!” Hongbin’s hands shot up to his face, covering his eyes as he turned away to sit up.

Taekwoon sat up, catching him by the elbow before he could move away.

“Hey, it’s okay-“ he started, but Hongbin was groaning with embarrassment. Humiliation.

Taekwoon held him fast, and Hongbin sat, hunched over himself as he bowed his head and covered his face with both hands. Taekwoon could see his ear going red, and the back of his neck too.

“It was just a dream, it’s okay, Binnie,” he said, thinking that his voice sounded a little thin and unsure.

He was trying to placate Hongbin, but the truth of the matter was, that he had liked it very much, and didn’t want to now find out that Hongbin was actually revolted by his unconscious act.

“Hyung,” Hongbin’s voice was cracked, and Taekwoon could feel the heat of his embarrassment in his tone.

How different the sound was from how he had called him Hyung earlier.

“I’m sorry. Hyung-“

“I shouldn’t have gotten in with you, I’m sorry, Binnie. We used to sleep like this all the time, but now it’s different. It’s my fault. Please, don’t be upset.”

Taekwoon could hear Hongbin’s breathing. He had his hands firmly over his face so that Taekwoon couldn’t see, but he could see the straining in his neck as he grimaced with emotion.

After a moment, he seemed to calm himself, and then when he spoke, it was with a voice that was thick, and fraught with emotion.

“The night couldn’t be worse. When I heard you were coming over, I thought it was already bad enough, but now this. A new low for me.”

Taekwoon was shocked. He did not want this for Hongbin, to feel this about himself.

“No, don’t say that, why?” he couldn’t help asking, for himself, “Was it that awful?”

“Don’t get me wrong, Hyung,” Hongbin’s voice was muffled from his hands, and Taekwoon had to bend closer to hear.

“It’s been one of the worst nights of my life, and I didn’t think I could see myself in your eyes without seeing disappointment. But you have been so kind to me, and that was bad enough-“

“Why would it be so bad for me to be here for you?” Taekwoon wanted to stop the flow of Hongbin’s thoughts. He seemed to be getting more and more anxious as his words became more morose.

He tugged gently at Hongbin’s elbow, and was pleased to see that at least Hongbin let him pull his hand away from his face.

He wasn’t crying, just worried, in a state.

Hongbin stared into the bed, looking like he was trying to find the right words. Taekwoon waited, though he wanted so much to speak, to tell Hongbin to forget it, to shush him, to stroke the strain out of his expression, to kiss and coo over him. He wanted to hold him.

“You’re the one I least wanted to disappoint, Hyung. It was humiliating that you were here to try to make me feel better. And now… what the fuck did I do?”

Taekwoon felt relief and despair and elation all at once. How was he going to impress upon Hongbin that he was okay with what had happened? How was he going to get Hongbin to get over that mortification?

He was elated because Hongbin had indicated that he was particularly concerned with how Taekwoon saw him after his disastrous morning. A purely selfish elation.

“Binnie. I don’t want to scare you, and I don’t want to pressure you. I take complete responsibility for what happened. I shouldn’t have taken the liberty of getting into bed and compromising you like that because you were unaware that someone was in bed with you.”

He saw Hongbin nod, but was aware that Hongbin was probably just acknowledging him, and not really believing him at the same time.

“Binnie. I am saying this to try to make you feel better. But I don’t want you to take it as anything except a truth that you are not responsible for. You do not have to do anything about it or feel obligated in any way.”

Hongbin finally looked at him, his flushed, red face clearing a little as his eyes stared in inquiry, deep pools of anticipation and hope.

Taekwoon stared back at him, his mouth suddenly going dry.

“I wanted to be here for you, and I am glad you let me. And also, I liked it. The kiss. A lot.”

Hongbin blinked, and Taekwoon swore he could see that familiar inner sceptic flicker through from behind those eyes.

Did Hongbin think he was saying that just to make him feel better?

“It was hot.”

Hongbin huffed, then frowned at him. Taekwoon kept his gaze as much as he could, but then without thinking, his eyes dropped to look at Hongbin’s mouth - which he did because he couldn’t help looking at his pretty lips, but then again, he saw that Hongbin’s mouth was curved down in disbelief.

Taekwoon realised it was funny, as Hongbin’s mouth twitched into a smile at the edges when he realised the same.

“It was nice,” Taekwoon said, just to make sure it was clear, and watching Hongbin trying to process what he was saying while trying not to let him see that he found it amusing too.

“So, why don’t we just take it as accidental, and that it was enjoyable for me, and maybe not thoroughly disgusting for you, and let’s just chalk it down to physical need or loneliness or just a normal hot dream about whatever hyung you were dreaming about, and you know, if you want, you can forget about it,” Taekwoon rambled, trying in his roundabout way, to get to the point where Hongbin understood that they could just agree to pretend it was nothing.

He saw the moment when Hongbin seemed to let the trust that he must have felt was inherent between them, take over and make him decide to move past it as much as he could.

“Can we talk just… about something else for a while, and see if we can come back to this later?” Hongbin suddenly said.

Taekwoon couldn’t help himself, he beamed a smile that made Hongbin huff as amusement threatened to break through his mortification.

Taekwoon took it as winning step in the direction he was hoping for, and he noted that he felt a little bubble of elation, and tried not to let the moment become about how much he was happy that Hongbin was willing to come back to this later.

“Sure,” he said, adjusting the pillows a little before laying back down on his side, facing Hongbin, and getting comfortable.

Hongbin shook his head, remaining seated.

“Let’s talk about why you thought a drunken streaming session was the best way to celebrate a year’s worth of happiness that you spent on building up your amazing cash cow of an account.”

Hongbin burst into laughter.

“Is that what we’re gonna talk about?”

“Yes, I want to know how lucrative it was. I saw you shopping all the time, but I don’t remember getting gifts or being taken out to dinner.”

“Ah, Hyung, I wasn’t making that much money!”

“I watched enough to know how much you could potentially make in a few hours. No wonder you streamed for twelve hours at a time. You’re a greedy opportunistic manipulative thing.”

“Hyung-“

“We brought you up well, the least you could have done was buy us lunch.”

“What? I earned that money on my own!”

Taekwoon smiled, enjoying that Hongbin was at least distracted from his woes.

“You watched me did you?” Taekwoon could see that Hongbin was trying to figure out how long he had been watching, since he had mentioned he saw Hongbin spending money on himself.

“I downloaded the app just to watch you, Binnie. I am a subscriber. My fans would call me a TaekPat.”

Hongbin chuckled, finally turning to make himself comfortable, and lying on his back, clutching a pillow to his chest.

“Did you ever send me messages?” Taekwoon could see Hongbin’s breath still a little, in anticipation of his answer.

“No. I still don’t know how to do that,” he said, which made Hongbin laugh.

“Really? Not because you’re cheap?”

His dimples, his wide smile and the way his eyes crinkled at the edges, reminded Taekwoon that Hongbin was still young and of pure intent, even though he was the king of sarcasm and sharp remarks, and even though he thought that he had handled his own mistake and disaster with stoic maturity. Earlier that morning he had admired how quickly Hongbin had sobered and apologised, and knew that under all the decorum, he must have been smarting under having to admit being wrong, when he had just moments earlier, been enjoying himself so fully. And that, despite all that, Hongbin was able to be sincere in his apology - at least in Taekwoon’s eyes.

Without thinking, Taekwoon reached up to caress Hongbin’s cheek with the back of his fingers. He suddenly pulled his hand back, realising that perhaps it was too soon, that it was still unconfirmed as to whether Hongbin shared his desire.

He had made his own desire clear to Hongbin, but Hongbin had yet to do so explicitly.

He saw Hongbin’s smile fade away, but caught his eyes fluttering shut for a moment.

“I’m sorry, I wasn’t thinking,” he ventured, thinking that it sounded empty, because he had liked touching him. But he was Taekwoon, Hongbin’s senior, and until the kiss, had never showed any interest in Hongbin, not like that. And now, he felt like he could hardly concentrate on why he was here in the first place.

Oh, right. He was thinking about how sincere Hongbin’s apology had been.

“Well I was, I was thinking, thinking that you did your best despite the circumstances, and that it is something to be proud of. Something I was proud of.”

Hongbin’s expression changed, and he realised that what he said meant a lot to him. Hongbin bit on both his lips, as if he was trying to stop himself from saying something. His chin jutted, and his eyes were fixed downwards, as if he were trying not to make unnecessary eye contact.

Taekwoon leaned forward, turning so that his body was now on his front, coming close enough so that he was up on his elbows, looking down at Hongbin. Hongbin’s eyes widened as he came close, but he kept his arms locked together over his pillow, Taekwoon supposed, to keep his distance.

Taekwoon looked down at his own fingers as he splayed them over the sheets.

“There were times when Hakyeon would do so much for me, helping me, you know? With things I couldn’t really handle. And there were times when I was too involved with myself to see he needed support - maybe not specifically from me, but from someone - but you were there for him, which made me appreciate your courage. You stood up for him, and you spoke up for him. He is really someone who cared a lot for my wellbeing and he helped shaped my own confidence by giving me space - so I was grateful that you would be there for him when I couldn’t take that step myself.”

Taekwoon finally glanced at Hongbin, and found that he was listening earnestly, his eyes soft and wide. Perhaps Hongbin hadn’t expected to hear this from Taekwoon, but he was, nevertheless, engaged.

“I’m just telling you so that you know that I admire that and am grateful for it, and I hope that I can somehow be here for you as a friend, and also on behalf of Hakyeon.”

Hongbin swallowed, blinking and looking away.

“Thank you, Hyung,” he said.

“Would you like a hug?” Taekwoon said, as if he had the best, most healing hugs on offer, and that Hongbin would be mad to refuse.

He was surprised to see Hongbin turn towards him, although still holding his pillow in his arms, now between them.

“I am not partial to hugs, Hyung, you know that,” he said softly.

It was a side-stepping, an avoidance, and Hongbin’s body language seemed conflicted. Taekwoon realised that if Hongbin didn’t want to reciprocate, it was time for him to get out of the bed, because if he didn’t, there was a point at which he was going to be outstaying his welcome.

They couldn’t just lie here forever. Someone had to leave, and this was Hongbin’s bed.

“Binnie, tell me straight. Did you like it? Because I think I need to get out of your bed if you didn’t. But I think that if I do leave now, we won’t be coming back to our unfinished conversation. Should I leave?”

Taekwoon let himself stare into Hongbin’s eyes, which Hongbin averted, dropping them to stare somewhere at his collarbone. He could see Hongbin was seroiusly weighing up thoughts in his head - which had to mean that he wanted to finish that conversation, but was uncomfortable with being put on the spot like this.

“May I lie down close to you?” Taekwoon asked, bending his head a little so that his chin would enter Hongbin’s sightline.

He saw Hongbin’s eyes flash up to meet his.

“What do you want, Hyung?” he asked, as if he was holding his breath.

“I want to get comfortable, with you in my arms,” Taekwoon said. “We don’t have to do anything else. We should just talk. Or rest. Or just stare out the window. Whatever you want. But if you didn’t like what happened, I think I should leave. I just… I don’t want to leave you alone. I don’t need any explanations. I won’t pursue it if that’s what you want.”

Hongbin’s eyes dropped again, and he seemed to be trying to control his breathing for a few moments. Then finally, his eyes shut as he swallowed, before shifting the pillow out from between them, and opening his eyes to look at Taekwoon before nodding a tiny nod.

Taekwoon lifted himself off the bed a little, coming real close to Hongbin and moving up on the bed so that he could rest on the pillows, letting Hongbin reach his arm around his chest, and rest his head on his shoulder. With some maneuvring, his arm went under Hongbin’s head at his neck, and Hongbin’s other arm got tucked between them, lying straight down along the length of their bodies.

Taekwoon let his arm rest on Hongbin’s, his hand cupping his elbow, and his thumb stroking softly on the inside of it.

He felt both their breaths begin to settle. He felt Hongbin relax, his body becoming a little heavy against him. He didn’t want to speak, in case Hongbin was falling asleep again, so he relaxed himself as much as he could, since sleep seemed to be the objective.

“I liked it,” he heard him whisper, ever so softly.

**

Hongbin had so many thoughts running around in his head - but he didn’t expect himself to blurt that one out like that. He felt his heart in his throat, his pulse quicken a little, but he waited, almost as if pretending he hadn’t said it would mean it never happened.

But then he had felt Taekwoon’s hand come up to stroke softly at his hair.

“It was nice,” he heard him say just as softly, then the mood dropped back to quiet somnolence, and he let his eyes shut, the soft stroking of his hair lulling him, comforting him.

He had slept enough and woken with enough of a fright to not feel completely sleepy, and listened to Taekwoon’s heartbeat as his breathing gentled, as he fell into a light sleep.

Whilst he had a strong bond with Hakyeon, he had always maintained a sort of distance with Taekwoon. Perhaps because, by comparison, the two vocalists he had to work so closely with were such different personalities. He admired Jaehwan’s voice, wished he could be that. But Taekwoon’s character had always kept Hongbin from truly trying to get close.

He felt a little like, if he had been less of a companionable person, his sarcasm and wit might have been much more caustic and hurtful - and that it was some part of him that kept his heart out of the mix when he related to people, that allowed him to be neutral no matter how opinionated he became.

Hakyeon had always drawn the best emotion out of him - and he responded because he could read Hakyeon’s heart. Hakyeon was all heart when it came to their relationship.

But Hongbin couldn’t be that with most others. He didn’t feel safe, perhaps. He didn’t want to expend that kind of energy with others, perhaps. Even his relationship with Wonsik - it was something they never articulated to each other, they just knew how to be comfortable and understood each other to the point they barely verbalised it.

But unlike Hakyeon, Taekwoon was able to be neutral, separate, and yet still be very clear where he stood. And this was what fascinated Hongbin at first. How did he do it? How was he able to show his feelings, without really being expressive about it, and in fact, kind of clouding it with his sometimes dramatic, emotional, sentimental language?

He guessed part of the how was that Taekwoon liked secrecy, and delighted in spying on people finding things out about him. Was that vanity or narcissism? Hongbin felt that it was simply childlike, or maybe, just playful almost like how a dad would trick a child into winning a game, or how he loved to see how much a secret he had kept that, when revealed, delighted the other person.

Hongbin liked to see that, because he himself could never shoot a wandering arrow, he could only fathom a straight path in anything - and loved to see the endless, silly, creative art of Taekwoon’s playing.

He knew the reason why it felt awful to know Taekwoon had witnessed today, was because he didn’t want to be the reason that Taekwoon felt obligated to deal with the disappointment of seeing Hongbin fail, and apologise for him.

By now, the pain and dread of what had happened had already been ameliorated by the little bit of time that had passed, and a bit of sleep - but Hongbin felt a sadness deep inside him.

He suddenly thought it might have been nice to be able to kiss Taekwoon that way without it being semi-conscious, and under the weight of the morning’s events.

He nuzzled his cheek against Taekwoon’s chest, and flexed his fingers a little, that lay across his pectoral. Under his thin sweater, he could see by the profile of Taekwoon’s muscles, how close to the bone his skin and muscle lay, with none of the bulk that he himself or Wonsik had. Taekwoon was probably the leanest and strongest of the three of them.

He felt Taekwoon take a breath as he stirred awake, and the hand that was on his elbow shift up to lay palm down over the back of his hand, and to interlock fingers with his.

“Don’t do that there,” he heard Taekwoon say drowsily, pulling on his hand and tucking it up higher, under his jaw, so that both their hands lay twined, just at the juncture of his neck and shoulder.

Taekwoon settled, letting his head fall away to lay on their hands.

Hongbin felt… disappointed. He hadn’t really hoped for anything, nor done anything on purpose. But for Taekwoon to not act on his physical reaction to being squeezed there - accidentally of course - made Hongbin realised that he wanted a reaction. An interaction.

“Hyung,” he said, lifting his head, and pausing to stare at his pale profile. In sleep, Taekwoon looked young, his features relaxed and pouty.

Taekwoon hummed, a soft acknowledgement that he was listening.

Hongbin didn’t know how to ask.

After a few moments of silence, Taekwoon turned sleepily towards him and squinted at him with one eye open.

“You okay?” he asked, frowning. When Hongbin didn’t answer, just looked at him, he seemed to finally wake, his eyes blinking open blearily.

“Did we sleep long?” he asked, obviously pulling himself out of the sweetest part of his nap.

Hongbin could only look at him, unable to say the words he wanted to say.

Taekwoon, sensing something was up, turned onto his side so he could face Hongbin better. He still had his arm under Hongbin’s head, but Hongbin also shifted a little, so that they were both on their sides facing each other.

“What is it?” he asked, his eyes clearing as he frowned.

Hongbin’s gaze dropped to Taekwoon’s lips. His mouth, which was a little soft and puffed from sleep, looked disgruntled.

Taekwoon watched him, his breath hitching a little as he could see that Hongbin wanted, but could not take the first step.

He could see Taekwoon trying to decide whether he should say something, and as he took a breath, Hongbin leaned in, bringing his nose close, and running the tip of it up along the side of Taekwoon’s mouth, til he reached the side of his nose, and waiting a moment before he pressed a chaste kiss on his lips. As he did, he inhaled, smelling sleep and soap and breakfast, pulling back a little bit to look up into Taekwoon’s eyes, before pressing his lips softly against his again.

Taekwoon’s mouth was soft and responsive, but he didn’t do anything other than receive, and respond. Hongbin closed his eyes, letting himself kiss and peck and nibble softly at Taekwoon’s mouth, his breathing getting heavier as he felt an emotion rise in his chest, something flushed with the thought that was a little like disbelief that he could do this, disbelief that Taekwoon was letting him take these gentle, chaste kisses, without pushing for something more, or pushing him away.

That emotion felt like a well of water rising slowly, about ready to come spilling over the lip of its walls, and Hongbin heard himself sob suddenly, and he frowned and squeezed his eyes shut.

He felt Taekwoon’s hand steal down to hold his, to give his fingers a little squeeze.

He heard him whisper, “We don’t have to do this.”

But he shook his head, trying to shake the emotion clear.

He wanted to get that moment back, the moment just before waking in a fright, when he had found such pleasure in Taekwoon’s kiss, not knowing it was Taekwoon then, but wanting for it to be with Taekwoon now.

“Hyung. You really liked it?” He couldn’t help it, his breath was catching, and he felt like he was on the verge of tears.

_We don’t have to do this._

He didn’t think he could bear it if Taekwoon was trying to tell him to stop.

Taekwoon shifted his hand to Hongbin’s cheek, and Hongbin stilled, his teary eyes closing.

“Binnie, I liked it very much. I wish we hadn’t stopped. But you don’t look like you’re in the right place for this. You seem upset all of a sudden.”

Hongbin nodded, but his tears were still threatening to spill.

He felt Taekwoon’s thumb stroke his cheek, and involuntarily turned towards it, finding it comforting again.

He whispered wetly, opening his eyes at last, “I just want to feel good.”

He saw Taekwoon’s eyes grow dark as he caught his breath, but then the moment was gone, and Hongbin felt his hand shift back down to hold his.

“You’re crying, Binnie.”

Hongbin blinked, hearing in that observation something that sounded like rejection.

He realised that Taekwoon was looking out for him, but it stung.

“Why are you crying?” Taekwoon asked, which stopped Hongbin’s train of thought.

Why was he crying?

Because when he was kissing Taekwoon, Taekwoon had let him set the pace.

He had felt touched. He had felt allowed. He supposed it had felt like a kindness that had let him take, and let him be.

How on earth was he supposed to tell Taekwoon that? It sounded to him like some dependent, mindfuck shit. And right now, this was all a first for him and Taekwoon. A few hours before this, they were just teammates. None of this had ever come up for them.

None of these feelings had ever come up for Hongbin.

The Hongbin from a day ago would have never found himself lying in his Hyung’s arms, horny and needy and sad.

Hongbin suddenly giggled, but it came up all strangled, wet and sobby. He caught a surprised look on Taekwoon’s face, and couldn’t stop himself from cry-laughing, hard. He couldn’t bear for Taekwoon to see it, it felt like hysteria. He couldn’t control it, couldn’t shift it out of that weird half-place that it was in, couldn’t make it be either one or the other.

So he buried his face into Taekwoon’s chest, and when he felt Taekwoon’s arm go lightly around his shoulders, lost himself to his sobbing, and cried.

**

Taekwoon finally felt Hongbin’s tears subside, til his sobs were quiet sniffles into the space between them.

He knew Hongbin could possibly be feeling embarrassed about his outburst, apart from whatever mortifying feeling it was that he seemed unable to keep down any longer.

He pushed on Hongbin to lie back, telling him he was getting some water, and as he slipped out of the bed, he covered Hongbin, rubbing his back as he did, in an attempt to soothe him.

He went to the kitchen to get a glass out and as he was filling it, saw the food still standing, waiting for Hongbin. He quickly filled a bowl with rice and condiments, laying some chicken over it and setting it all on a tray.

He brought it into the bedroom, to find Hongbin was still awake, his eyes red and puffy, his nose pink and shiny.

He set the tray on the bedside table and pulled the pillows together behind him, forcing Hongbin to shift and sit up.

“Eat,” he said perfunctorily, before leaving to go to the bathroom.

There, he washed his face, saw how haggard he looked from a lack of sleep, before finding a new facecloth on an open shelf, and soaking it with warm water and wringing it to take out to Hongbin.

Hongbin hadn’t started eating yet, he was just sitting up and laying back against his mini mountain of pillows, his knees bent and his eyes staring unblinking at the foot of his bed.

Taekwoon sat on the edge of the bed next to him and patted his knee.

“I’m going to wipe off all the snot,” he said, grinning kindly.

Hongbin reached for the cloth but Taekwoon swiped his hand away.

“I’ll start with your face. Don’t resist,” he said.

Hongbin didn’t resist, just lay despondent as Taekwoon took his chin with one hand, turning his face towards him a little, and proceeded to wipe his forehead, sweeping back into his hairline, all around the perimeter of his face.

The action left Hongbin’s hair standing up a little, and it made him look less lost, it seemed.

Then, he wiped across Hongbin’s eyes, one at a time, taking care to sweep gently across his eyelashes, wiping away dried tears and old feelings.

He cupped Hongbin’s cheek with the towel, wiping back towards his ear, then down under his jaw to his chin, and the same for the other side. Then, he folded the cloth on itself to expose a fresh part, and wiped across his mouth and then down his nose, squeezing at the end and wiping as if he were helping a toddler blow his nose.

Hongbin huffed, amused.

Taekwoon smiled, smug at how good a job he was doing.

Then he flipped the cloth over itself again to another fresh surface, and took one hand and then the other, to wipe his palms, the backs of his hands and all his fingers, one by one.

“Doesn’t that feel nice?” Taekwoon said, smiling up at Hongbin.

He was taken aback to see Hongbin staring at him with eyes deep, as if he was trying to commit his visage and actions to memory. There was a dark sort of want in there, and Taekwoon didn’t know if he understood it.

It didn’t seem to be purely physical, as he had thought was between them earlier.

Hongbin looked like he had found succour, and Taekwoon wasn’t sure that the Hongbin he knew would ever have found that in him, just from what had happened between them today.

Taekwoon cocked his head.

“What?”

“You don’t have to do this for me, Hyung,” Hongbin murmured, that look not quite receding.

“Well, I’m saving you having to get up to do it yourself,” Taekwoon shrugged.

“Before today I might have said it demeans me,” Hongbin said, his eyes boring into Taekwoon’s, “but all I can think of is how nice it is. How good it feels.”

“Ah,” Taekwoon looked up, taking a breath. “Do you think you don’t deserve to be treated nicely?”

Hongbin snorted.

“I don’t think that way, Hyung-“

“What about the way you feel?” Taekwoon interrupted. He could see that it made Hongbin think, but that perhaps, he was too exhausted and cried out for it to make him feel anything.

“I feel like shit. But nicely wiped and cleaned up shit.”

 _Cleaned up horny shit_ , he thought to himself. _Let me kiss you till I come sort of shit._

Taekwoon shrugged.

“I try my best. Will you eat?”

Hongbin nodded, and Taekwoon shifted the tray over onto his straightened legs.

Hongbin mixed up his rice bowl, taking care to do it evenly and neatly.

“Can I watch? I like how you do that. I want to see you eat.”

Hongbin smirked, puffing out a snort. Taekwoon took it as a yes and reached over to lean one hand on the mattress on the other side of Hongbin’s legs. Hongbin looked up at him with a shake of his head, because it brought Taekwoon much closer, so that he was literally on the other side of his tray.

He watched as Hongbin stopped mixing and gathered up the rice on his spoon. He followed the spoon up to Hongbin’s mouth, and opened his own as Hongbin did, watching with real pleasure as Hongbin started chewing, smacking his lips as he moved the food around. Hongbin was so aware of Taekwoon’s eyes on him, and was trying to process the exasperating feeling of both being comforted by his doting presence, and like he was a hair away from fellating his spoon for Taekwoon to see.

“It’s good, isn’t it?” Taekwoon nodded encouragingly at him as Hongbin focused on him, then gestured that he should take another mouthful. Obediently, Hongbin complied, feeling like Taekwoon’s little gestures and interactions were the only thing keeping him in the moment, keeping him from losing it.

Hongbin ate, methodically chewing, every now and then glancing up at Taekwoon, who seemed to be content to just hover and watch, murmuring about seasoning and how the place he got the food was always full, which was why he only ordered delivery from them because then at least he could wait in the comfort of his own home or at the office.

Taekwoon let himself ramble, wanting Hongbin to eat, not minding if Hongbin was really put out by him being so up close and personal. He just wanted to be where Hongbin could not avoid looking at him, or thinking about what had happened - maybe to help him get over it, or to help him get numb to it.

When he had seen that look in Hongbin’s eyes, it had piqued his curiosity. It looked like desire, but there was something more to it than that. He wanted to know what it was, but he feared making this about himself, which he realised that he had done by getting into bed with Hongbin - and when he had been kissed, by wanting to be kissed again for a few moments more than he was actually concerned about Hongbin’s state.

Hongbin finished his food, laying down his spoon and leaning back as he munched on his final mouthful. Before he had finished swallowing, Taekwoon had lifted his glass, and was holding it at the ready for Hongbin to have a drink.

Hongbin took it from him with his eyebrows raised, a little quiver playing on his lips.

As he drank, Taekwon whisked away the tray and left for the kitchen.

He cleaned up, packing up the leftovers and putting them in the fridge, gasping out loud when he found chocolate, and breaking off a row from the bar to fold into his mouth and savour as he broke another row off for Hongbin.

He went back to the room, holding out the stick of chocolate for Hongbin, who shook his head. Taekwoon put it into his mouth and mashed on it with satisfaction.

Hongbin looked up at him, feeling like they were in a kind of hazy limbo, where Taekwoon seemed to be lingering, unbothered by Hongbin’s surprise sexual embrace, and then his careful, explorative kissing. Hongbin felt that he was on the tipping point of some frustrated, sensual outburst, but that he was held back by his embarrassment or shame about what had happened. He was curious about his own reluctance to send Taekwoon away. And Taekwoon seemed happy to be here, and mindful of his presence as potentially uncomfortable. He was leaving it up to Hongbin to decide, and Hongbin couldn’t take the step without fearing that he was going to lose something precious.

As Taekwoon stood there eating, a smile in his eyes as he waited, Hongbin realised that he felt most comfortable when Taekwoon was close, or talking with him. He shifted a little to make some room and patted the bed for Taekwoon to sit beside him. Taekwoon didn’t hesitate, and turned his body to face the same way as Hongbin, folding his knee to sit on the bed, and scooting back so that he could get comfortable next to him.

He settled and waited, letting Hongbin take his time.

Finally, Hongbin cleared his throat, and asked in a quiet monotone, “Have I spoiled everything for the members?”

Taekwoon sighed.

“Not really. They won’t be affected work-wise. Reputation-wise. But it will affect them personally somehow.”

“Because I embarrassed them?”

Taekwoon shook his head. In the eyes of their society, Hongbin had embarrassed himself. Even if the members could be held accountable, they could not really ever apologise on Hongbin’s behalf. Even if the members felt that embarrassment themselves for a moment, they would feel more that Hongbin would have to deal with that reality alone. It was something he would have to deal with internally.

“Because you will have to deal with this forever. Because something you loved will not be the same again. Because you are hurting.”

Taekwoon looked over at Hongbin, and found him staring sadly at his upturned hands as he propped them on his thighs. whilst his demeanour was solemn, Taekwoon noticed that when he moved his fingers, they had a slight tremor in them. He knew Hongbin was already moving past what they were talking about. Taekwoon’s wrods were to soothe and placate, but Hongbin didn’t need verbal platitudes, Taekwoon knew. He had already heard the common sense of them in his own head, such was his mental and logical wont.

Taekwoon could see that Hongbin was trying to process the words into an actual feeling of being comforted, but the words weren’t enough.

“I know you didn’t ask me to come over. But before some funny feeling came up between any of us, I wanted to be here to show you that everything is ok for us - or at least, for me. To keep the channels open, so you can just speak to any of us any time. It’s not like it didn’t happen, but it doesn’t change how we should be with each other.”

Hongbin nodded.

Taekwoon opened his hand and waited for Hongbin to take it, which he did.

They sat there side by side, with their hands held together, resting on the bed between them, Taekwoon’s thumb stroking gently across Hongbin’s skin.

When Hongbin laid his head on Taekwoon’s shoulder, Taekwoon in turn leant his head against Hongbin’s.

“You didn’t have to come here to do that,” Hongbin murmured.

Hongbin lifted his head, and turned a little to look up at Taekwoon, who saw a little bit of that darkness in his eyes again.

“You could have just called. Or texted,” he murmured.

Taekwoon held his gaze.

“Yeah. I could have,” he said. “But I thought someone should be here. There is a difference.”

“Jiwookie was here,” Hongbin said.

“I wanted one of us to be here. It’s not the same. If you needed a hug, or if you needed to be fed. Or cleaned up.”

Taekwoon smiled.

“Whatever you want, Hongbin, I’m here.”

Hongbin’s eyes shuttered briefly as he looked away, his teeth gnawing on his lower lip. He bowed his head, nodding.

“I wanted to be here for you,” Taekwoon reiterated, wanting Hongbin to know that this wasn’t just about a sense of duty for him.

Hongbin let go of his hand and turned to him, twisting round to hang his other arm around Taekwoon’s neck, and reaching up to kiss him. It wasn’t chaste like before, but deep, unrushed, breathy, and wet: Hongbin was tasting him, savouring him - and he was hungry.

Taekwoon let him set the pace, but he felt his skin burn where Hongbin touched him, and couldn’t resist bringing his hand round Hongbin’s back, sliding it up his shoulder blade, up the back of his neck and into his hair.

Hongbin sighed, and Taekwoon couldn’t help gripping his hair momentarily - taken aback to find Hongbin’s head drop back into the grip, his face dazed, his mouth dropping open in pleasure, his eyes lust-hazy. Hongbin moaned, finally lifting his head back up again to look at him, his mouth swollen, his tongue sweeping across his bottom lip as he looked at Taekwoon, dark and wanton.

Without a word, Hongbin brought his leg around and climbed into Taekwoon’s lap, straddling him with his back arched, his ass grinding down into Taekwoon’s groin so that his cock nestled in his spread crack, his arms winding round his neck as he leaned in to take Taekwoon’s lips in his.

As he did, he rolled his hips, and Taekwoon found his hands falling just right on his ass, which was round, thrusting, muscular. Taekwoon kneaded his flesh, and Hongbin responded by slowly grinding his hips, a quiet, drawn-out moan in the back of his throat which caused a thrumming along his tongue - and Taekwoon’s.

Taekwoon gasped, leaning his head back to look down at him with his eyes hooded, grabbing at his ass tightly to gain the most traction against him, as he ground his cock up against Hongbin’s crack slowly, appreciatively. Hongbin let his head fall back, and Taekwoon couldn’t help it, he leaned forward to suck on that neck, reddened and veiny from his exertions.

They were gasping, their breaths loud and desperate, and Taekwoon finally used his leg to lever Hongbin gently off him, flipping him over in the bed, and laying him down gently on his back, his own long body crouched over him as he held him carefully to lay him down.

Hongbin’s eyes were wide from the surprise move, but it seemed to stoke his desire, and he pulled on Taekwoon to kiss him. Taekwoon let him mouth at him, probing and licking and sucking on his tongue as if Hongbin had his cock in his mouth. Hongbin made soft, high noises, sometimes frustrated, sometimes keening, and it made Taekwoon suspect that Hongbin wanted more than just to get off.

He was pulling on Taekwoon, urging him, but then being frustrated that Taekwoon was letting him set the pace.

He seemed impatient. Wanton.

Needy.

Taekwoon pulled back a little, placing a warm, steady hand on Hongbin’s chest. Hongbin’s breath was hard, and he could feel his heartbeat through his shirt. Hongbin stared at him in frustration, upset that they had stopped.

He slowly rubbed his chest at his sternum, intending to calm him a little.

“Are you sure this is what you want?” he asked softly, gazing into Hongbin’s eyes as he shuddered from the contact again.

Hongbin responded with a nod, his eyes dark, his mouth swollen and red.

“Take this off,” he murmured, and Hongbin complied, pulling off his tee quickly. Taekwoon replaced his hand against Hongbin’s bare skin, letting his slim fingers fall into the crevice between his packed pectoral muscles as he rubbed, slowly.

He looked down at the erection that was pulling Hongbin’s shorts out of shape. He put his other hand on Hongbin’s chest too, sweeping his palms outwards till they cupped the muscle of his pecs, and found his nipples, rubbing his fingers back and forth across them, until just the tips of his middle fingers rested on each, and he moved them, ever so slowly, gently, firmly round and round.

Hongbin’s torso contracted as he moaned tightly, one hand reaching for his cock, and the other for Taekwoon’s. Taekwoon pulled his hands away and brushed Hongbin’s out of reach.

Then he resumed stroking Hongbin’s nipples, and Hongbin’s body shuddered, arching into his touch, his hands gripping Taekwoon’s arms, his eyes closing as his mouth went lax and he moaned so deep and needy his voice cracked.

Taekwoon felt a deep satisfaction that his attentions were drawing such responses from Hongbin. It stirred something in him, an almost dogged desire to make Hongbin scream with pleasure, make him come, have him beg for more. He wanted to watch him as he came, wanted to see that dark look change into something else - lust, release. Need.

That was it - he wanted to see Hongbin’s need for him, even if it was just this physical thing. It was tantalising, because Taekwoon liked the idea of being the one that Hongbin needed it from, liked being the one who could give it to him.

He hooked his fingers into the waistband of Hongbin’s shorts and slid them down over his narrow hips, letting the elastic catch on his cock, pulling it down between his thighs til the shorts came off, whereupon it sprang up again, hard, tight and wet at the tip.

He stared unabashedly at Hongbin’s pale skin and admired the smooth ripple of muscle that lay just under it. Hongbin’s body was so responsive that even after he had removed his hands, even under the intensity of his gaze, pleasure seemed to tug at his flesh, making his body contract minutely, shudder and arch as he lay naked and exposed, waiting.

“Hyung,” he whispered, his eyes pleading for a moment before he closed them, his hands clutching at the sheets, his cock bobbing heavily as he ground his hips, arching his back and splaying his legs ever so slightly.

“Please don’t stop,” he whispered.

Taekwoon dropped the shorts off the side of the bed and took off his own shirt. He went on all fours over Hongbin, bringing his face close to his as Hongbin opened his eyes, his pupils going dark from seeing Taekwoon staring down at him. Then Taekwoon looked at Hongbin’s mouth, and bent to suck on it. Hongbin kissed him back, suckling on his tongue sweetly.

“I want to take care of you, Binnie,” he murmured softly into Hongbin’s mouth. “I’m going to suck your beautiful cock. I’m going to fuck you with my fingers, my tongue, my cock. I’m going to make you come. Please let me. Please come for me.”

Hongbin gasped - sobbed - into his mouth, and Taekwoon felt that he was right in thinking that Hongbin wanted, not to let go, not to lose control, but to be pleasured, to be taken care of. Perhaps it was just something that happened in bed for Hongbin, or perhaps it was that Hongbin was trying to put it out there that he could take care of himself, that he didn’t need support, that pain was like water off his back.

Whatever reason it was, Taekwoon could give this to him, and fuck, did it feel good.

**

Hongbin stared at Taekwoon’s body as he took off his shirt, his jeans already opened at the button, his abs delineated and taut, a long, lean line of skin and muscle that slipped under the waistband of his jeans so prettily.

Taekwoon kissed him again, and Hongbin could feel his tongue get thick and sweet as they mouthed greedily at each other. Taekwoon braced himself on one hand, letting the other slip under his back, stroking down until his slim fingers slipped over the rounded muscles of his ass, and under his thigh as he pulled on it to bring his knee up, holding it just there so that he could slip himself between Hongbin’s legs.

Taekwoon knelt and sat back on his haunches, his chest rising sharply with his breaths as he stared down at Hongbin’s naked body, one leg splayed open over Taekwoon’s bent knee, the other straight until Taekwoon pushed it wide with his warm hand.

He stroked both his hands slowly up Hongbin’s thighs, staring at his cock as his mouth hung open, til his hands finally brushed together at the apex of his thighs, and he enclosed Hongbin’s cock, hot and swollen, red at the tip and weeping precome, in a double-handed fist that he brought up gently to the tip, making a drop more of it squeeze out the top and run ever so slowly down his length. Taekwoon let it get on his fingers, allowing the slide of it to lubricate his hand and Hongbin’s cock as he jerked him slowly - before moaning a little as he bent to suck the head into his mouth.

The pleasure of tasting Hongbin made Taekwoon want to come in his pants, and he let his cock slip over his tongue to the back of his throat, allowing his saliva to pool over its length before letting his hands encircle it again, and licking wetly back up to the head.

Hongbin groaned, his back arching for a moment before his head thrashed in the sheets, as he tried to fuck into Taekwoon’s mouth. But Taekwoon was resting his forearms along the lengths of each of his thighs, pushing them open and down, preventing Hongbin from being able to thrust properly.

Hongbin sobbed, his hands fluttering over Taekwoon’s head before gripping it tightly as he squirmed. Taekwoon’s lips were hot and wet over Hongbin’s tip, the rest of his cock fisted in his two-handed grip, and he was tonguing him hungrily, creating suction with swollen lips and a juicy tongue, all working in tandem, in turns pulsing and sucking and licking, until Hongbin’s muscles started to shake as he tried to stop himself from fucking straight through Taekwoon’s hold and into the back of his throat.

Taekwoon gave him a harsh lick before sitting up, keeping his grip on Hongbin’s cock but pushing himself closer till the fly of his jeans rested against Hongbin’s balls.

It would not do, and he quickly released one hand to undo his fly as quickly as he could, pulling his dick out with his jeans barely undone, moaning with relief and letting his head fall back briefly as he jerked himself harshly for a few moments. He heard Hongbin quieten.

“Fuck,” he groaned before he bringing his head back up to look down where each of his hands held each cock and were jerking them both, getting frantic for a moment as the pleasure of freeing his cock and finally massaging it to get some relief, was threatening to make him spill his come before he could fully enjoy drawing ecstasies from Hongbin’s body.

Hongbin was watching him, and Taekwoon realised that part of the pleasure for Hongbin too, was seeing the pleasure and desire that Taekwoon found in having him.

He released himself, enough to guide his cock to lay in the crevice of Hongbin’s ass as he then brought his hands together down along the length of Hongbin’s cock, finally letting it go to massage around the base, kneading his balls firmly and keeping his hands warm over his skin, spreading saliva and precome down towards his hole.

Hongbin stared up at him, his eyes beautiful and dazed, his breaths short, his mouth red and his skin flushing across his chest. He writhed as Taekwoon stroked up and out to grip his hips and pull on him a little as he ground his crotch between Hongbin’s legs.

Then he paused, staring into that liquid, heated gaze, one hand moving to stroke Hongbin’s dick languidly, the other coming up to his mouth so that he could slip two fingers over his tongue, and wet them.

He looked down at Hongbin’s cock, so hard and hot in his soft fist, and slipped his moistened fingers down under his balls to rub slowly over his perineum, and when he saw Hongbin’s mouth fall open in anticipation, delved his fingers inside his rim, all the while firmly, slowly, jacking his cock.

Hongbin groaned, his back arching as he spread his legs wider and ground his crotch into Taekwoon’s hands. Taekwoon slipped back carefully, and bent to lick a wet stripe up from where his fingers massaged Hongbin’s rim, along the corded line that started below his balls, up over them and to his cock. Taekwoon let his saliva flow, licking and tonguing Hongbin’s balls and skin, all the while keeping his rhythm, trying as hard as he could to make Hongbin feel like all of him was being mouthed at, massaged, warmed, and laved.

Finally, he brought his mouth to the tip, and as he swallowed down, let his fingers fuck deep into Hongbin, slowly.

Hongbin screamed, his head thrashing as he gripped the sheets, and Taekwoon could feel his balls tighten as the base of his cock, from deep within his body, contracted and convulsed, and he started fucking up into his mouth and loose fist.

Taekwoon was tempted to withdraw his fingers, withdraw his tongue, and let his grip on Hongbin’s cock go still and steady. He wanted to see Hongbin go crazy with desperation, wanted him to beg for release.

But he didn’t have the heart for it, didn’t want to prolong this for Hongbin.

So when Hongbin started to come, his moan deep and desperate and throaty, he fucked his fingers fast and hard into his ass as he opened his mouth while he stroked the flat of his tongue against the underside of his cockhead, and let the ribbons of come that spurted from it coat his lips, his tongue, before he finally sucked it messily into his mouth and swallowed Hongbin’s cock down to the base again.

Hongbin was sobbing, his legs coming up around Taekwoon’s head as he fucked his mouth hard, his hands gripping at his head, his feet brushing his shoulders.

“Unnnghhhh fuuck, FUCK Hyung, fuck! Unnnhhh,” Hongbin’s voice gave out, and Taekwoon sensed that his satiety would turn to sensitivity very quickly after coming so hard, and let his cock go with a final suck, pulling his fingers out slowly as he licked his lips and swallowed a final time. Hongbin’s legs fell away, and he let go of Taekwoon to let his arms flop onto the bed, before reaching up to stroke his own skin on his abdomen.

Taekwoon sat back on his knees, his hands stroking Hongbin’s inner thighs and groin warmly, gently, and watched as Hongbin’s body shuddered and his muscles tremored, as he moaned, and gasped and let the pleasure suffuse his body as he thrust gently against Taekwoon’s moving hands, his cock drained and softening and lying reddened against the pale skin of his abdomen.

Taekwoon was cooing softly, enjoying the view and loving seeing the tension recede from Hongbin’s body, loving how Hongbin was letting his pleasure and satisfaction show, and how his expression was relaxed in its exhaustion and satiety.

Taekwoon came up and let himself fall forward over Hongbin, and tenderly kissed along his collarbone, up into his neck. Hongbin let his head fall to the side to expose his neck to him, and Taekwoon obligingly paused to lick, suck gently and bite softly.

“You taste good all over,” he murmured, coming up to look down on Hongbin until Hongbin turned to face him - then leaning in for a soft, suckling kiss. He reach a hand up to Hongbin’s chin, holding him there gently as they tasted each other again, this time, the heat more relaxed and easy.

“Hyungie… Hyungie…” he heard Hongbin mumbling through their kiss. He sounded ready to tap out, and Taekwoon let his chin go to stroke his jaw softly before letting his fingers run through Hongbin’s hair to grip him tight.

Hongbin let his head fall back, his sighs and moans contented, a soft crease of a smile curling one side of his mouth up.

“Did you like that, Binnie?”

Hongbin hummed softly, nodding his head as much as he could in Taekwoon’s grip.

“Is this what you meant when you said you wanted to be here for me?” he smirked, his speech slurry and soft.

“Not quite, Binnie,” Taekwoon answered seriously, his fingers still lightly gripping and ungripping Hongbin’s hair.

Hongbin laughed softly, breathily, and Taekwoon felt himself stir as he watched him, the hand in his hair shifting down to hold him at the nape of his neck, warm and firm.

“When did you become so lovely?” he murmured, his lips at Hongbin’s neck as breathed deep against his skin. He heard Hongbin whine softly as he licked a tiny tongue tip against his throat.

Taekwoon's other hand roamed down the taut muscle down his side, stopping at his hip and gripping him tight there as he pulled Hongbin's body against him.

Hongbin gasped, his hand slipping inside Taekwoon’s jeans, sliding over his ass and pulling on him there, his spent cock beginning to harden again as Taekwoon kissed and sucked on his neck and along his jaw, pausing to suck on his ear. Taekwoon’s sounds were gasping, sharp little moans as he seemed to be laving Hongbin’s skin all over his neck and up towards his ears and earlobes.

Hongbin pulled on Taekwoon’s ass, then reached down to stroke his cock, which stuck out hard from his barely opened jeans.

“What else did you say you would do to me?” Hongbin breathed heavily into Taekwoon’s ear, shifting his pelvis so that he could give him better access, and feeling Taekwoon’s groan in his chest as they lay skin to skin.

“Oh god, Binnie, if you want more, let me give it to you,” Taekwoon breathed, before turning his head a little to whisper straight into Hongbin’s ear, “Let me fuck you, baby. Let me hold you-“

Hongbin grabbed Taekwoon’s cock with a whimper and guided the head into position, before pulling on Taekwoon til the head of his cock breached his entrance, causing Taekwoon to gasp and shudder as his hole tightened around his dick. Taekwoon could feel the little snake of pleasureable satisfaction begin to unravel deep in his body

Taekwoon adjusted himself quickly, squaring himself as that he could lie over him with one elbow on the bed next to Hongbin’s head, and with the other bracing on Hongbin’s hip, let himself sink down deep into Hongbin’s body.

Hongbin moan was so deep and contented, and the feel of him was so warm, tight and velvety, that Taekwoon’s breath hitched as his muscles began to flutter deep in groin, and before he could gain control of himself, felt himself begin to fuck Hongbin hard, his breaths turning into grunts, mouth hanging open as he stared down at his mouth - a grimace as he cried out softly in his pleasure - sure his features were animal as he fucked, no, pounded into Hongbin.

He felt Hongbin change the angle of his pelvis, felt his hole clench around his girth.

“Oh fuck. Aaah. Binnie, fuck! Unnh, UNNGHH!” Taekwoon heard himself wail as his orgasm surged, throbbed and broke over his body, his cock spurting hot liquid and lubricating itself so completely that he felt he would slip out of Hongbin’s body if he wasn’t careful - and he found himself clutching at Hongbin’s body as he fucked into him tight and fast, squeezing every wave of pleasure out of his own body as he came down, his grunts and moans turning into cries and sobs, his eyes squeezing shut involuntarily as he saw white.

He felt himself relax over Hongbin’s body, his pelvis thrusting softly as he held Hongbin close.

Hongbin was sighing, his arms fluttering restlessly over Taekwoon, his head to the side as his sighs turned into gasps.

Taekwoon looked into Hongbin’s eyes finally, his cock still fucking into him softly and wetly as he whispered, “Oh, baby, you feel so good. I couldn’t help it, I came so hard.”

Hongbin moaned, and Taekwoon realised he was moving with him too, and that Taekwoon’s almost absent-minded fucking was not doing it for him.

“Will you ride me, baby?” he whispered harshly, waiting a moment for Hongbin to answer.

To his surprise he thought he saw Hongbin blush, his head still turned to the side and his eyes closing.

“Don’t be shy, I just came like there was no tomorrow,” Taekwoon said, and Hongbin laughed, hard enough that Taekwoon could feel his muscles move around his cock.

They both moaned at the same time from the sensation, and Taekwoon slowly, carefully, flipped them both so that he was now on his back, and Hongbin was sitting on him, looking decidedly shy. He dropped down so that he was hugging Taekwoon, their chests flush as Taekwoon slowed his thrusting, waiting to see how Hongbin would respond.

"Baby, baby," Taekwoon murmured, his hands kneading Hongbin's ass, encouraging him to move, his fingers reaching a little and touching them where their flesh met.

"I want you to feel good, Binnie," Taekwoon whispered, his hand finding Hongbin's, and interlacing fingers as he brought his hand up to his mouth, and putting two of his fingers into his mouth and sucking on them.

Hongbin moaned, then looked up to watch as Taekwoon, still gently fucking him, made a show of sucking, kissing, licking and swallowing his fingers.

"You're so wet, so beautiful," he murmured, his eyes heavy lidded as he stared down into Hongbin's eyes. Hongbin was watching him hungrily, and he could feel him starting to rock back on his cock.

“Yeah,” Taekwoon sighed.

“Hyung-“

“Yes, baby.”

“Oh, fuck,” Hongbin muttered, his ass rocking back firmly all of a sudden, and his chest coming up as he sat up, letting Taekwoon’s hand go, arching his back just so, so that Taekwoon’s slick cock hit his inner walls at a certain angle, eliciting a soft, hitched cry from Hongbin’s lips.

Hongbin started rocking back hard on Taekwoon’s cock, his hands resting on Taekwoon’s torso as his ass pumped up and down, his eyes closed in a frown as he let his head fall back.

Taekwoon let him take his pleasure, sated and contented to watch Hongbin’s torso working as he gasped, his motion suddenly changing from up and down to grinding deep - and then with a sudden, sharp cry, Hongbin was coming again, his cock spitting white over Taekwoon’s belly, his mouth a grimace as he groaned, and his whole body trembling and shuddering as he orgasmed.

Taekwoon watched as Hongbin’s last cry, so deep and satisfied a groan that Taekwoon could feel him bearing down on his cock from inside him, seemed to wrench the last strokes of pleasure from deep within him, his expression so forlorn in its release that Taekwoon thought Hongbin might cry.

“Fuck, baby, does it feel good?” Taekwoon pulled on Hongbin as he collapsed forward, drawing him into a slow, warm kiss, as he pulled out and turned them so that Hongbin was on his back on the bed.

Hongbin nodded, his face lax and soft as he let Taekwoon kiss him, his mouth open and receiving, his moans soft and high.

“I was supposed to take care of you… why do I feel like I took what I wanted?” Taekwoon murmured, a smile playing on his lips.

Hongbin’s mouth smirked at the corner, but he was too exhausted to fully laugh.

“You’re not my hero, Hyung, you can take your pleasure any time,” Hongbin said.

Taekwoon laughed, thoroughly entertained by Hongbin’s snark, that was also disarmingly flirty, giving.

“Please let me be your hero-“

“No thank you, it would never work.”

Taekwoon laughed, enjoying the feeling of his body against Hongbin’s as he did.

“Because I’m not cool enough?”

Hongbin lifted a hand up to rub Taekwoon’s back, letting it go up the back of his neck to stroke him lightly there.

“Because a hero always has their shit together,” Hongbin murmured.

Taekwoon pulled back to look at him with a soft pout. Hongbin stared at his lips, his eyes dark again.

“I want to see you lose it again and again,” he murmured, and watched, turned on, as Taekwoon’s expression changed with comprehension.

They stared at each other, their breaths getting a little heated, their mouths slack.

“Maybe later though, cause I am about to crash,” Hongbin whispered.

Taekwoon smiled, a brilliant, cheesy, loopy smile - then kissed him and slid off to his side to lie on his back.

“I’m glad I came. Today, I’m glad I came, here- I mean came here, today - ah, fuck, you know what I mean!” Taekwoon said, exasperated by the unintended pun.

Hongbin giggled, tiredly, softly, letting his hand find Taekwoon’s so that they lay side by side on their backs, holding hands again.

“Yea, I am glad you came too.”


End file.
